Sharing Marital Wisdom


I received this wonderful tidbit this morning, thought I’d pass on the wisdom. Lorrie Flem is one of my absolute favorites to hear from, she is as sweet as she is wise. Enjoy.

While talking to women, one thing I hear often is, “I’m not happy.” I cannot count the number of times I have had to gently say that happiness is not a right. Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy. It’s supposed to make you married. It’s your job to make your marriage happy and satisfying.

One of the biggest fallacies of marriage is that in a good marriage there aren’t disagreements. We seem to think that if we fight or disagree, we’ll ruin our marriage. But the truth is that every happy couple has areas they disagree on. The differences between the successful marriage and unhappy one are:

  • living life “around” your disagreements
  • taking a “team” attitude toward compromise
  • loving in spite of differences
  • understanding and empathy for your husband’s position
  • knowing that quietly talking about differences can strengthen the relationship and improve intimacy
  • knowing that avoiding conflicts doesn’t make them go away

Successful couples know how to keep the disagreements from spilling over and contaminating the rest of their relationship. “Irreconcilable differences” are not grounds to separate or divorce. They are like chronic back pain. You have to learn to live, love, and thrive with them, or be doomed to unhappiness.

Leo Tolstoy had this to say, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”



About christasterken

Committed to a life of purpose. Learning to live abundantly. Embracing creativity. Questioning. Delighting in the comforts of home and family. Determining not to settle only for how things are, but how they could be. Writing is part of who I am, so I trust In God who gave the gift to show me how I can serve Him through it. That is my life…one word at a time. Psalm 89:11a“Teach me your way , O Lord, and I will walk in your truth”

2 responses »

  1. Hey You!

    A reader said, “Go see what is said here, it’s about you.” So here I be and I am so touched! I found out today I have pneumonia so I’m on a mission to get well before I leave for Nebraska on Thursday to do an Extreme Mom Makeover next weekend. You just gave me a boost.

    Any of your readers who don’t know that you write for Eternal Encouragement (formerly TEACH) are missing out!

    Under the Shadow of His Wings,

    Lorrie, whose stuck in her chair for 5 full days. Ah well, the doctor said, “Do nothing, that includes light housework.” Every cloud has a silver lining!

  2. In some ways, marital life is like a tug-of-war. There are countless forces pulling at marriages all the time… Finances, work obligations, friends, hobbies, outside interests, relatives, senses of duty, limited time… It’s crucial that both husband and wife be pulling from THE SAME SIDE of the rope. As soon as either one defects and goes to join forces with those pulling from the opposite side, something awful is about to happen. Best advice given to me by an elderly man when I was still in college: “Ya gotta pull together.”

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