Who will fill my empty lap? Around 5 years ago I became acutely aware of how fast childhood was going for my girls. I sensed the days of my lap having children in it were passing, almost imperceptibly. The heartache I knew would follow those days stalked me.
It is a difficult season to have your children outgrow your physical body. To push away as they mature, becoming young adults, yet needing to be able to jump back in when life got tough was, is, natural.
Mentally I get it.
But the longing stays. My body still aches with remembrance of the cuddles of my children.
There are new things now, exciting, fascinating dynamics in our mother/child relationships. These current experiences are wonderful too, in a different way. I enjoy their developing personalities, the strength of the wings that are starting to lift them away.
But my body remembers what my mind can forget. The precious feel of a child in your arms, the smell of their hair, the feel of grubby little fingers holding your cheeks, the “i yuv you” lingo. My physical longing is my reminder to pray thankful words to God. For the chance. For the good days, and with some distance, even for the difficult ones.
Who will fill my empty lap?
My wings are also gaining maturity. I will fly into a new season along with my children. Not after them, although I pray they’ll always be in sight, but into the winds of change God has in mind for this woman.
My lap empties and my wings begin to spread.
And for now, I will stretch those around my children as far as I can reach, for as long as I am able. And I will sneak sniffs of their freshly washed hair, and remember…the years of a full lap.