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What a sad realization to believe you are meant to be a writer, and live with the daily frustrations…and limitations…of living with an invisible illness. I don’t normally share this with strangers but I felt led to do so today.
Every day I see my writer’s notebook, 50+ writing books, fresh paper and laptop waiting for me expectantly. Many nights when I prepare for bed I live with the frustration of having accomplished nothing besides looking at them guiltily . Not one single word jotted, no plots, no fabulous ideas sent off in query letters.
My plans in this area are often thwarted by the demands of my body. Demands being the only appropriate word since my mind is helpless to fight it. Other days my body is energetic, but my mind is total mush. Creativity seems to come to a standstill.
Frustration can lead to an unfortunate waste of time in comparisons. “Why, I know of many writers who sneak in hours after kids bedtimes, get up earlier, write 10,000 words a day” If I spend too much time here my imagination (remember, I am a writer) goes even further into the imagined. “They probably grow a garden, tend to the widows, wash their windows each week-rain or shine. Heck, they probably are able to freelance, run a corporation, fight crime in a special suit at a remarkable speed!”. Or maybe not.
All writers face unique challenges to their day, obstacles to be overcome and personal insecurities to master. You, and I, all need to keep working towards the goals-whatever the specifics may be. I have illness to deal with, unseen, often kept private, but still a constant companion. LImitations I have grudgingly learned to live with, accept, and work around.
No matter what our particulars are, I urge you to not give up. Maybe at this season of my life i simply cant do this one thing I am meant for. Does that negate all the amazing things that have been accomplished in other ways? Perhaps make my full-time job of homeschooling less of a joy? ( No) Does that mean this time is wasted? Not a second. Whether we see the big picture or just a snippet of hope…time all has the ability to build character. For a writer, this might play out as a simmering pot of ideas, slowly melding the complex range of experiences, unaffected by time until the day it is ready. When the time is right, my recipe of life experience will have become just what I needed…when it is time.
Stay in the game, even when it doesn’t seem like we are playing.
Philippians 1:6 encourages us to be confident in this: that He who began a good work in us will carry it on completion until the day of Christ Jesus.